What I thought was interesting but really wasn't at all... » Life Lessons http://www.shacblog.org/blog In 5 minutes you'll ask me to refund 5 minutes of your life... bring a receipt. Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:01:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 en hourly 1 The Power to Rescue Socks http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2009/03/23/the-power-to-rescue-socks/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2009/03/23/the-power-to-rescue-socks/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2009 08:21:27 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/?p=117 If you could have 1 super power what would it be?

I hate that question. It’s such a stupid, lame, childish, annoying question. Everyone knows there’s only 1 right answer, time travel. Doy!

This morning on my drive to the office I started to zone and for some reason that question came into my mind. I started to wonder if I could chose 1 non-super power what it would be. I think of a non-super power as one that won’t neccesarily save the world but is still something pretty damn cool, something that won’t stop Santa from stealing the presents and leaving the milk carton open (at least that’s what happens at my house) but will still make all the girlies come a running. I was stumped… couldn’t think of a damn thing. Then when I got home it hit me.

The power to never lose just 1 sock.

You know that would be hot. Think about it, you could do laundry and know that no matter what your sock count will come out even. There would be compromises. My weakness would be that occasionally I would lose 2 socks, or a hole in a sock, or bleach a sock, but at least I would always have socks in pairs.

Damn that would be tight.

]]> http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2009/03/23/the-power-to-rescue-socks/feed/ 2 I’m sorry I’m not more ashamed but I was hungry http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2009/01/09/im-sorry-im-not-more-ashamed/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2009/01/09/im-sorry-im-not-more-ashamed/#comments Sat, 10 Jan 2009 07:31:36 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/?p=103 Rewind back to Wednesday night. I’m leaving the office at 8:30pm to make the 8:49 train home. That should give me plenty of time to get home and still order a buttload of chinese food for delivery (dinner of champions comapred to what I usually eat). Of course just as I’m about to leave Suzanne asks if I could walk her through the alley of death. That’s our little pet name for a local alley where death lives. Some people call it the parking lot but they just don’t know the truth.

This is where late-night-math meets my inability to tell time on a non-digital watch. I miss my train and end up stuck in Mountain View for an extra hour. Time is easily killed pretending to work at a local cafe surrounded by 2 local knitting groups (btw, hot women love knitting these days and they do it as a group… wtf?!?), hipster kids talking about K-Y Yours+Mine and whether or not you should use the “his” on “her” and vice-versa, and 3 girls freaking out because they all put their iphones down at the same time and now can’t figure out which phone belongs to who. Can you hear the collective “OH MY GOSH!!!” 45mins and a 1/2 gallon latte later I realize I must now literally RUN for the train. This gets me home at about 11pm, too late for ordering chinese for delivery but too early for sleep. I spend the next 30min foraging for food. I think I ended up eating 1 tortilla, 1 chai tea, and 2 bananas, and 4 peices of candy. I vowed to never leave my freezer empty again.

Now let’s jump ahead to last night. Once again I find myself at the office late, this time leaving at 11pm. As I drive home I realize there’s a Safeway just down the road. This is obviously my chance to score some decent food as well as stock up for the next week or so. Now most smart adults will tell you to never go grocery shopping hungry and never ever EVER go grocery shopping hungry and sleepy. My basket starts off as follows:

  • Torillas
  • Salsa
  • El Pato (because sometimes salsa just doesn’t cut it)
  • Cheese
  • Chorizo
  • Cheese (yes twice… will explain later)
  • Eggs
  • Bananas
  • Beer

The moment I grab the beer I realize I have a problem and take stock of my basket. I realize I have now somehow mixed the shopping carts of a stereotypical mexican teenager and a frat boy on spring break. This will never do. Breakfast or beer, never the both. 3 rounds of revision and 5 laps around Safeway later I now finalize my selections minus 1 critical item, cat litter. As I grab the cat litter I realize that I’ve now somehow grabbed 2 bags of shredded cheese and neither will do so both must go. I’ve very picky when it comes to cheese you see, especially cheese that is to be used in a quessadilla. I’m a quessadilla perfectionist.As I return to the cheese aisle it just now hits me that they have an incredible selection of mozarella but really no good goat cheese. Great, now I’m neither mexican nor frat-boy, I’m just a normal snob. Ditch the cheese, grab the kitty litter, and get the fuck out of dodge so I can eat some mac’n'cheese. Final basket is:

  • 1 package tortillas
  • 1 jar salsa
  • 1 bottle El Pato
  • 6 Hungry Man frozen dinners
  • 4 Safeway Select Frozen Pasta meals in a bag
  • 1 bottle Clear Eyes
  • 1 smelly candle (wtf)
  • 1 cat toy
  • 1 bag litter

The cashier stops at one point to notice I’ve now purchased 9 frozen, instant, single serving items. She actually stops for a moment as if to ask, “is this a joke?” I look up to notice the pause in her elegant grab-slide-beep-toss action and mumble, “yeah uh, sorry.” Why am I sorry? Not because I’ve now cleaned out their selection Hungry Man 1 lb. dinners, nor because she’s on item #14 out of 18 in a 9-items-or-less line (not my fault)… not even because I added 2 more items at the last second. I’m sorry because I’ve now realized that I have absolutely no shame for my skillful yet random selection of groceries at midnight on a Thursday night. I’m sorry that I’m not ashamed. I’m just really hungry.

Oh and if you’ve actually been paying attention and read this entire boring short story… Yes, I’ve somehow fucked up and forgot the cheese. I’m so screwed.

]]> http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2009/01/09/im-sorry-im-not-more-ashamed/feed/ 0 Need Ustream Drag and Drop http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/12/16/need-ustream-drag-and-drop/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/12/16/need-ustream-drag-and-drop/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2008 07:20:44 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/?p=96 Have you seen that Acura commercial where the guy is sitting at this desk at home? He’s bored so he starts using his mouse to drag things in real life and drop them into his car in the driveway.

Maybe I’m really bored, maybe I’m just tired and drowsy, or maybe I’m losing it from being at work at almost midnight and am getting so hungry this guy is starting to look pretty damn tastey. It’s probably the boredom. I really wish Ustream had that sort of drag-and-drop technology. I really need to drag and drop a lion into this stream right now.

picture-45

]]> http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/12/16/need-ustream-drag-and-drop/feed/ 0 Return of the Bad Idea (again) http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/12/14/return-of-the-bad-idea/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/12/14/return-of-the-bad-idea/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:37:51 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/?p=90 Alright. My blog started off as a bad idea turned good. Then I realized it was a wonderfully bad idea and a terribly good one at the same time. Then it morphed into a glorious embarrassment reflecting on society as a whole (or at least teenage girls on a diet).

After this impressive start my laziness compounded by the hacking efforts of bored Brazillians led to the demise of my beaultiful, beautiful blog.

Then it returned once more for a brief tour of the evening talk shows only to return to rehab once again.

I’m now proud to announce that the blog is back (for at least 5 minutes). It will remain up until I am either embarrassed or dead.

]]> http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/12/14/return-of-the-bad-idea/feed/ 0 Ikea sabotaged me… probably the Pope too http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/27/ikea-sabotaged-me-probably-the-pope-too/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/27/ikea-sabotaged-me-probably-the-pope-too/#comments Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:47:48 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/27/ikea-sabotaged-me-probably-the-pope-too/ I really shouldn’t be allowed to shop at Ikea. I don’t remember the last time I walked out of there with at least 4 or 5 impulse buys. I can’t really blame Ikea. I do the same thing at Costco and Fry’s. Glad I don’t seem to have that problem at I dunno… Tiffany’s?

So on my most recent trip to Ikea I spotted Ikea cotton napkins in off-white and red. Next to them were cheap Ikea face towels. All stuff I “need” so I grabbed a few sets of each. As soon as I got home I threw them all in the washing machine. Yes, I threw them in together and I’m sure you know what happened next (which I knew too but of course wasn’t thinking). The red napkins all bled into the white face towels. Strangely the off-white napkins are all fine. Ikea, you mystify me.

Another item on the list of what not to do… At least I didn’t wash the Shroud of Turin too like the Pope just did.

Shroud Of Turin Accidentally Washed With Red Shirt

The Onion

Shroud Of Turin Accidentally Washed With Red Shirt

VATICAN CITY—The damage occurred when Pope Benedict XVI, who was on laundry duty, did not notice a brand new bright-red Hanes Beefy-T in the Holy Whirlpool washer.

]]> http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/27/ikea-sabotaged-me-probably-the-pope-too/feed/ 0 return of the blog http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/17/return-of-the-blog/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/17/return-of-the-blog/#comments Tue, 18 Mar 2008 04:38:15 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/17/return-of-the-blog/ It’s back. I owe Brian Doom a whole lot for writing a custom import script to revive all my old entries from years back. I will now spend the next hour reading over years of old posts, wondering WTF I was thinking and reminiscing over things like the tuna diet.

Oh I used to be so full of the best bad ideas. I gotta get back to work on those. The best ideas are always the worst ones.

]]> http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2008/03/17/return-of-the-blog/feed/ 0 sprint http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2007/10/23/sprint/ http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2007/10/23/sprint/#comments Wed, 24 Oct 2007 01:02:16 +0000 shac http://www.shacblog.org/blog/2007/10/23/sprint/ at some point a sprint is no longer a sprint… it’s a very badly run marathon.

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