Okay I have to keep myself from writing too much about my cat. I definitely don’t want to seem like a crazy cat lady even though I’m a guy. Yes, if you’re a guy and you obsess over your cat you are a crazy cat lady.
So a couple nights ago I got home and was starving so I went straight for the kitchen and began cooking. I guess after smelling the crab cakes Tigi thought that he might be in for a treat so he decided it was a great time to… you know, make some room. Within minutes the smell from the litter box came wafting out. Since I was cooking and am pretty paranoid about keeping my hands clean I grabbed a paper towl and shut the door to the tiny room where his litter box is and figured I’d just take care of the problem later.
Fast forward to the next morning. I’m in the shower and in walks Tigi.
Tigi: MAO MAO MAO!
Me: What’s that Tigi? Timmy fell down a well and broke his leg?
Tigi: MAO MAO MAO!
Me: WHAT?!? I left the door to the litter box closed last night?!? FUCK
I grabbed my towel and run downstairs hoping he’s just pissed off and whining at me for doing something so heinous and evil as to lock him out of his own litter box. To my surprise the door is wide open. Now I’m really glad I taught him how to work door knobs as a kitten.
Tigi: MAO MAO MAO
Me: Yeah you’re hella smart. You get food now and a cookie.
I really shouldn’t be allowed to shop at Ikea. I don’t remember the last time I walked out of there with at least 4 or 5 impulse buys. I can’t really blame Ikea. I do the same thing at Costco and Fry’s. Glad I don’t seem to have that problem at I dunno… Tiffany’s?
So on my most recent trip to Ikea I spotted Ikea cotton napkins in off-white and red. Next to them were cheap Ikea face towels. All stuff I “need” so I grabbed a few sets of each. As soon as I got home I threw them all in the washing machine. Yes, I threw them in together and I’m sure you know what happened next (which I knew too but of course wasn’t thinking). The red napkins all bled into the white face towels. Strangely the off-white napkins are all fine. Ikea, you mystify me.
Another item on the list of what not to do… At least I didn’t wash the Shroud of Turin too like the Pope just did.
VATICAN CITY—The damage occurred when Pope Benedict XVI, who was on laundry duty, did not notice a brand new bright-red Hanes Beefy-T in the Holy Whirlpool washer.
Not that any of my old posts were actually entertaining or exciting or even intelligible but I’d like to think that there’s an excuse for not having blogged much at all lately. It’s probably because of twitter and my ever diminishing attention span. For now I will offer up 10 reasons I haven’t been blogging, most of which are complete or amazing exaggerations of the truth, but probably just a lie.
- My life has been just that boring and I’d rather spare you the pain
- I’ve been working way too hard
- Brazilian hackers broke my blog… again (too bad this isn’t a lie)
- I was blogging way before it was cool so now that it’s cool to blog the only way to be cooler is to not blog, but that didn’t seem to work so fuck, I’m now less cool than before.
- Guitar Hero doesn’t just play itself you know, it takes time and dedication.
- I’ve been busy finding other stuff to do to keep me from doing what I should be, unpacking
- I was stuck in Reno and forced to play every hand (neither of these are at all a lie)
- icanhascheezburger doesn’t just read itself you know… neither do xkcd, engadget, gizmodo, woot, valleywag, and fleshbot (okay the last one I don’t read. seriously I don’t, my friends do though)
- the local cafe only knew me as “soy latte”and I was determined to work my way up to “soy latte, scone or a brownie today?”
- No one told me the writers strike was over and I was supporting my brethren oppressed by the industry. VIVA!
Now back to watching NASCAR on my TiVo.
It’s back. I owe Brian Doom a whole lot for writing a custom import script to revive all my old entries from years back. I will now spend the next hour reading over years of old posts, wondering WTF I was thinking and reminiscing over things like the tuna diet.
Oh I used to be so full of the best bad ideas. I gotta get back to work on those. The best ideas are always the worst ones.