Where to begin?

So I finally got around to selling my 1996 Acura Integra GS-R. Over the past 3 years the car has been passed around to various friends… Julia, Toby, Jessica… It’s finally sold and gone. Selling this car made me never want to sell a used car EVER AGAIN.

Everyone loves being a used car salesman and totally screwing the buyer in the worst deal you can possibly come up with, right? Oh wait, maybe that’s just Precious Roy. So I posted the car on Craigslist and had a few interested people. One was a guy I’ll call Dan.

Warning, this is a pretty lengthy read… but as Brian says, “this must be documented.. you must blog this!”

Wednesday
Dan emails me a few times asking about where the car is and when he can see it. I tell Dan it’s at my parent’s house and that he can see it this weekend. I then take mental note that Dan is the first interested party and I will try to sell to him first.

Thursday
Walking to Barone with Toby, I get a call from Dan’s dad. The conversation goes something like this:

DAN’S DAD: Hey. You’re selling the car right?
ME: Yeah
DAN’S DAD:So how much do you want?
ME: $7,000… it’s in very good condition
DAN’S DAD: So I want to see it tomorrow. When can I come by?
ME: I can’t do tomorrow.. I can do Saturday or Sunday.
DAN’S DAD: Well I want to see it tomorrow so how about tomorrow night?
ME: No… the car is at my parents and I have to work. It’ll have to be this weekend.
DAN’S DAD: Well I’m coming from San Jose and my son works this weekend.. I want to buy the car for him.
ME: Well I have a job too… Saturday or Sunday.
DAN’S DAD: Okay well what kind of deal can you cut me for coming to see the car?
ME: Excuse me?
DAN’S DAD: Well I’m driving all the way from San Jose just to see your car. What kind of deal can you give me?
ME: $7,000. That’s what I’m asking for the car. Come see it then we’ll talk.
DAN’S DAD: But I’m coming all the way from San Jose.. It’s very far. I’m buying the car for my son. He goes to school and works.
ME: Yeah well, I’m coming all the way from the peninsula. I’m using the money to pay for my wedding. Unless you can find some way to magically make my wedding cost LESS, you come see the car and we’ll talk price…
DAN’S DAD: Okay.. My son works Saturday. We will come see it Sunday. Email me the address where the car is.. email me tomorrow.. okay? Sunday.
ME: okay!

lovely…

Friday
8:30pm: Watching a movie at home.. phone rings. It’s either Dan or his dad. I let it go to voicemail since I don’t have the address handy.
8:30pm: 15secs later another call. It’s him again. This time he leaves voicemail.
8:45pm: Another call.. him again.
9:00pm: yep… again! So I scrounge around and find the address and email it to him right away..
11:00pm: yes… AGAIN… this late at night..

Saturday
It’s about 1pm and I haven’t gotten a reply from Dan yet about the car… however I’ve got 3 other interested parties, one of which says he will pay $5,700 cash and hasn’t seen the car yet. I get a call from Dan himself that goes something like this:

DAN: Hey are you the one selling the car?
ME: Yeah.
DAN: Hey man why didn’t you answer the phone when my dad called this morning?
ME: Did your dad call this morning? I didn’t notice. I did notice the 5 or 6 missed calls last night though.
DAN: Yeah well.. you said you would email the info yesterday.
ME: I email it last night.. pretty late. Have you checked your email yet?
DAN: No.. oh okay well we wanna see the car tomorrow. Can we come by like at 6 in the evening?
ME: Umm… well I have other people who are interested. If I wait till 6 just for you I basically have to tell them all to screw off untill next weekend. How about noon?
DAN: Well I have to work and stuff so. How about my dad sees it at noon then I’ll come by at 6?
ME: Umm… so I’m sposed to still wait for you to come by at 6? How does that work? Your dad can come by at noon but if someone else wants to buy it before 6… I’m selling to him instead.
DAN: HEY but like.. I really want to buy it. If my dad says it’s good then I’ll buy it…
ME: Woah… first of all, your dad is being a pain. So why am I supposed to trust that? and leave the car sitting there hoping he won’t haggle later? Did you know that your dad tried to haggle the price of the car on the phone? on thursday night? HE HASN’T EVEN SEEN THE CAR AND HE’S HAGGLING OVER THE PHONE talking about, “I’m coming all the way from San Jose!” He calls over and over while I’m busy on a Friday night. WHAT’S UP WITH THAT DUDE? You need to talk to your dad.. you need to tell him to CHILL.
DAN: Woah hey. I didn’t know about any of that. Okay hey how about 9am? Can we all meet there at 9?
ME: Yeah…

Later that day I pull out the pink slip. Oh wait, that’s not the right one… that’s the pink slip for my motorcycle. HOLY CRAP I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE PINK SLIP IS! Fast forward about 1hr later. While searching every box in my storage I’ve now forgotten that I’m supposed to be searching for the pink slip and am now looking for long-forgotten cd’s and dvd’s that I’ve packed away… and like that I accidentally come across… the pink slip. Now I just need to un-barricade myself from the exit… fast forward another 30minutes.. I’m done.

Sunday
So everyone shows up.. We had to wait a bit for my step-dad to arrive. What else could possibly go wrong? Holy crap, WE CAN’T FIND THE CAR KEYS! Okay so I find the SPARE key and pull the car out. I decide to show Dan the stereo’s detachable face… but when I reattach it, NOTHING… then worse, it works but the display is SCRAMBLED. At this point I’m thinking the guy is gonna just leave. I can’t find 1 set of keys, can’t find the car alarm dongle, and I the stereo is acting up. The dad is pacing…

For whatever reason, I decide to use the old Nintendo cartridge tricks… I rub the contacts and blow on them. VIOLA it works now. On top of that, I kicked the floor mat and TADA there are the missing keys. Dan is eager to test drive so I let him take the car w/ his dad.

“Hey, by the way. The clutch is really short and tight.” He stalls the car… Then he gets it to the street and stalls again. Finally he gets into first and they take off. 10 minutes later they return, but now the dad is driving. CRAP, that probably means that they had such a hard time with the clutch that Dan gave up! On top of all that, they never even got to the freeway. I’m not gonna give up after all this… THIS CAR WILL BE SOLD!

“Hey man… let’s go for a ride! Hop in the passenger seat…. Hey I’m taking your son for a ride.”

I take him up to I-580. There’s this sharp s-turn at the onramp so as soon as we get there, I drop a gear and punch it. In a few seconds we are now doing about 100, chasing after a Honda S2000. I give him a couple quick lane changes and he seems stoked. He’s a pretty cool guy afterall.

When we return to the house he says something to his dad in Vietnamese… I assume it was, “this guys a crazy driver… buy the car before he kills us all!” After a bit of quick haggling we agree on a price and like that, the car is sold. Check is written… Toby and my step dad confuse me about 5 times about how to fill out the title transfer stupid green and pink form.

Monday
Following the advice by both my step dad and Toby, I go straight to the buyers bank.

ME: Hi, I’m not a customer… but this check is with your bank and I’d like to cash it or get a cashier’s check or whatever…
TELLER: Sure.. there will be a $8 fee.. no wait.. $10…. umm.. yeah… a fee. Let me just make a call.
5minutes later
TELLER: He’s not answering his phone.
ME: Who?
TELLER: This guy. The guy who wrote the check.
ME: and then?
TELLER: Well I have to talk to him to make sure he wrote the check.
lots of blank staring…
TELLER: Since you aren’t a customer, we have to check with him first. You can come back later when he’s home and we will try again.
ME: I’m sure he has a job… and I’m sure he’s at that job… and won’t be home untill long after you guys are closed. Nevermind I’ll just go to my bank.
TELLER: Okay… But hey, just so you know, he has lotsa money in that account!

Later that day at Bank of America:

ME: I’d like to deposit this check… oh and this one too.
TELLER: Okay… this is over my limit so let me talk to my manager…
5 minutes later…
TELLER: Okay done. Will that be all?
ME: Brian… is that all?
BRIAN: Oh and… world domination. Don’t forget that!
ME: No, that’s later today… okay we’re done.

and like that… my car is done and sold.

I’m Precious Roy! Read my insanely long and boring blog post… SUCKERS!!!